For a pessimist, i'm pretty optimistic

Optimist thinks glass is half full.
Pessimist thinks glass is half empty.
Realist thinks the glass is half filled.
Alcoholic thinks that someone should drink the vodka in the glass already.
Critic thinks the glass is fucking ugly.
Philosopher thinks the relationship of the glass and the liquid in it should be thoroughly inspected from multiple points of view.
American thinks the drink in the glass should be sugared and that his double XXL fries should arrive already.
Cynicist doesn't even believe there's anything in the glass.
Cleptoman thinks the glass might fit in his pocket.
Meth addict thinks the glass looks a bit like a crocodile.
Jesus thinks the water in the glass shall turn to wine.
Muslim thinks the glass insults his religion.
Blonde thinks the glass is like something you can like use for drinking.
Schoolnerd thinks the liquid in the glass is most likely H2O.
Aboriginal thinks the transparent object is cursed.
Artist thinks the glass creates a controlled time-space totality in absurd environment.
Racist thinks the glass should get the fuck out of his country.
Rebel thinks the glass should be broken.
Zombie thinks glarbh GARBHGL BAARGHL.